About half of marriages in the United States today end in divorce, so plenty of kids and teens have to go through this. But when it happens to you, you can feel very alone and unsure of what it all means. It may seem hard, but it is possible to cope with divorce — and have a good family life in spite of some changes divorce may bring. Talk to your parent or another trusted adult about how you're feeling. It's important to share your fears, feelings and frustrations with an adult you trust — no matter how crazy you may think these feelings are. On this page we hope to answer some questions you might have and bring you insight. For instructions to view this page in Spanish, click on en Español.
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Families Connected Resources
Following are some answers to questions you might be having:
Q: Is it normal to feel so angry and overwhelmed sometimes?
A: Divorce is a big loss. It is okay to feel angry, sad, guilty, frustrated, or disappointed. There are good and bad ways to express your feelings. If you would like some ideas about positive ways to express your feelings, talk to your school counselor or a therapist. (Source: Kids First)
Q: Why am I feeling guilty that my parents are divorcing?
A: First off, know that divorce is never a child’s fault. If your parents are divorcing, you may experience many feelings. Your emotions may change a lot too. You may feel stressed out, angry, frustrated, or sad. You might feel protective of one parent or blame one for the situation. You may feel abandoned, afraid, worried, or guilty. You also may feel relieved, especially if there has been a lot of tension or fighting at home. These feelings are very typical and talking about them with a friend, family member, or trusted adult can really help.(Source: Teen Health from Nemours)
Q: My mom and dad broke up several years ago, but I still can’t seem to get over it. What should I do?
A: When parents divorce there are no rules about how long it takes to come to peace with having a new family structure. People integrate their experience in stages and sometimes it seems very difficult to imagine being happy again. It’s unrealistic to “try to be happy and forget about it’” when you’re still hurting, but it is realistic to anticipate that one day you’ll feel better. It would be very useful for you to talk privately with a counselor to learn how to become more used to this situation now and as you get older. (Source: Young Women’s Health)
Q: My parents are getting divorced. Is it normal to feel relieved and not sad about it?
A: Sometimes when parents get divorced they do so after a lot of arguing or fighting, or sometimes your parents may have appeared to not be talking to each other at all. In some families there may have also been physical violence, alcohol problems, or other situations that created stress in the home. After the separation or the announcement of divorce, it’s perfectly normal to feel relieved rather than sad. This is nothing to feel guilty about! Your parents may also feel relieved even though they may also feel badly about not staying together. (Source: Young Women’s Health)
For parents and guardians
Curated Gallery of Resources
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Insight and articles
Talking with Your Parents or Other Adults (Teens Health from Nemours)
Suggested books
A Smart Girl’s Guide to Her Parents’ Divorce (American Girl) by Nancy Holyoke
When Your Parents Divorce by Kimberly King
The Divorce Helpbook for Teens by Cynthia MacGregor
Now What Do I Do? by Lynn Cassella-Kapusink
Hot Stones and Funny Bones: Teens Helping Teens Cope with Stress & Anger by Brian Luke Seaward
How to Survive Your Parents’ Divorce: Kids’ Advice to Kids by Gayle Kimball
