Back to School Parenting: What I’d Tell My Younger Self
/Remember the song lyric, “I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger” by Rod Stewart? That could be my theme song. Well, not the whole song, but that particular lyric really speaks to me.
Jill Millstein, South Bay Parent
So, as we prepare for another BTS, here’s what I’d tell my younger parent self. Above all else, I wish I could go back and yell “don’t do it!”, in the hopes of avoiding one of the most embarrassing moments of my parenting career, which I will now share with you.
When my oldest daughter was heading into kindergarten at our neighborhood elementary school, I had heard mixed reviews about the school. At the recommendation of a friend, I scheduled a meeting with the principal to “vet out” the school. The principal, bless her heart, was gracious with her time and very understanding of my concerns. Looking I back, I wonder what in the world made me think the local elementary school, that every family in my entire neighborhood sent their kids to, was somehow possibly not good enough for my dear, precious, brilliant, gifted, totally average kid?
Here’s what I’ve learned over the years… Most teachers are good. Most of the teachers are fine. And who you think may be the perfect teacher for your child, may not be. The stories you heard about Ms. Smith may not be 100% accurate. Or, what wasn’t a fit for your Bobby may be a great fit for your neighbor Susie. In fact, one year in elementary school my older daughter had a teacher who was very highly regarded in the parent community. And my daughter truly blossomed under her tutelage. And then when my younger daughter did not get this teacher I was bummed. But then a few years later, my younger daughter’s teacher went on maternity leave and this revered teacher took over the class. Guess what? My younger daughter was miserable. It was just NOT a fit. Which really proves that any opinion is relative to the specific kid and the specific teacher.
Today I can look back at my younger self with a bit of compassion. I had unknowingly gotten swept up in our very prevalent achievement culture. It’s so hard not to. It’s floating in the air we breathe, in the seemingly harmless conversations we have with our parent friends. It feeds our concerns and worries and perpetuates this culture. This culture has raised us parents to believe it’s imperative we provide our kids with only the very best opportunities to ensure their ultimate success in life. It prods us to attempt to control every situation. But what I understand now is what really helps prepare our kids for life outside our protective homes is handling challenges, confronting difficulties, managing problems, navigating awkward situations. So maybe you child will get the teacher who assigns too much homework, or isn’t fun, or has “Troubled Tommy” in her/his class. But with those challenges come a million opportunities for your child to learn how to navigate life while under your tutelage.
And if there’s anything COVID reminded us all, it’s that we really can’t control much. So maybe it’s time to let go a little, trust a little and take advantage of the learning opportunities that present themselves.
