We’re Staying Home Together - Advice from Experts

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Parents, caregivers and educators at our 90 Partner Schools are doing all they can to provide sturdy, nurturing foundations that their students and children can lean on for support during this difficult time. As parents, we know that our children look to us to understand the world, and that they’ll l be more or less anxious based on how we communicate with them. That can feel like a really tall order right now when we’re struggling with our own uncertainties and anxieties about the pandemic. And, it’s absolutely normal and ok to be feeling that way.

Fortunately, many experts have shared insight and advice that can help us with our goal of communicating effectively with our children, as well as keeping them engaged and connected during this challenging time. We’ve gathered some highlights below.

Communication strategies: scroll down to the end of this blog for strategies from Child Mind Institute. For additional strategies and evidence-based information, at the SBFC Coronavirus Support page. You’ll find an approach that works for you.

Creating a sense of normal (even when nothing is): In our next blog we will share strategies South Bay parents are using to help keep their kids active, engaged, and connected. In the meantime, here are some tips from experts.

  • Katie Hurley, LCSW says that It might be tempting to throw the schedule out the window during this time, but routine helps kids know what to expect. Boundaries feel safe. (Read Katie’s full article in Psychology Today)

  • Moe Gelbart, PhD, the facilitator of the Families Connected Parent Chat, reminds us to, “emphasize gratitude by continually taking inventory of what is good in our lives, and allowing ourselves to experience and express gratitude. Doing so reduces stress and anxiety. Even in the most difficult of times, we have much to be grateful for.” (Read Dr. Gelbart’s full blog published online by Torrance Memorial).

  • Greg Allen, PhD, shares that more news is not good news! “Regulate what you focus your mind on. Find what is most positive for you in your life. Focus your mind on that. Is it your love for family members, a friend, or an activity that brings you peace and joy?” (Read Dr. Allen’s full blog published on his Freedom 4U website.)

Resources that can help as we hunker down:

What to say: we understand that it can be hard to find the right words during this stressful time. Below we’ve gathered some suggested responses from Katie Hurley, LCSW, Child Mind Institute, Star Commonwealth and Stephanie Grant, PhD:

  • “It is okay and normal to be worried, scared about this—of course you are. We all are, and that is why we are doing everything we can to keep you safe.”

  • “It’s okay to feel scared, anxious, mad, frustrated, overwhelmed, or anything else you’re feeling. It’s okay if you feel like it’s an overreaction; it’s okay if you’re feeling grateful that your school closed. All feelings are okay.”

  • “We’re working together to keep more people from getting sick by pausing school and other places crowds may be…it’s so awesome so many people are working to help one another out!”

  • “Yes, we do need to be careful about washing our hands and staying home.”

  • “The likelihood of one of us getting the virus is not high – but if we do, doctors will take care of us.”

  • “Even though we don’t have the answers to everything right now, know that once we know more, mom or dad will let you know, too.’”

At home activities:

(to come)

We close with this thought from our friend Katie Hurley, LCSW, “Breathe. Rest. Get fresh air (but, you know, at a safe distance.) take this time to connect with your kids and empathize with others”.

Hang in there, everyone. We’ll get through this.

Laura Short McIntire, Creative Director, SBFC & Founder, the Families Connected Project

(note: this blog was updated 3/20 and 3/25)

Communication strategies

The Child Mind Institute recommends:

  • Don’t be afraid to discuss the coronavirus. Most children will have already heard about the virus or seen people wearing face masks, so parents shouldn’t avoid talking about it. Not talking about something can actually make kids worry more. Look at the conversation as an opportunity to convey the facts and set the emotional tone. “You take on the news and you’re the person who filters the news to your kid,” explains Janine Domingues, PhD, a child psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. Your goal is to help your children feel informed and get fact-based information that is likely more reassuring than whatever they’re hearing from their friends or on the news.

  • Be developmentally appropriate. Don’t volunteer too much information, as this may be overwhelming. Instead, try to answer your child’s questions. Do your best to answer honestly and clearly. It’s okay if you can’t answer everything; being available to your child is what matters.

  • Take your cues from your child. Invite your child to tell you anything they may have heard about the coronavirus, and how they feel. Give them ample opportunity to ask questions. You want to be prepared to answer (but not prompt) questions. Your goal is to avoid encouraging frightening fantasies.

  • Deal with your own anxiety. “When you’re feeling most anxious or panicked, that isn’t the time to talk to your kids about what’s happening with the coronavirus,” warns Dr. Domingues. If you notice that you are feeling anxious, take some time to calm down before trying to have a conversation or answer your child’s questions.

  • Be reassuring. Children are very egocentric, so hearing about the coronavirus on the news may be enough to make them seriously worry that they’ll catch it. It’s helpful to reassure your child about how rare the coronavirus actually is (the flu is much more common) and that kids actually seem to have milder symptoms.

  • Focus on what you’re doing to stay safe. An important way to reassure kids is to emphasize the safety precautions that you are taking. Jamie Howard, PhD, a child psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, notes, “Kids feel empowered when they know what to do to keep themselves safe.” We know that the coronavirus is transmitted mostly by coughing and touching surfaces. The CDC recommends thoroughly washing your hands as the primary means of staying healthy. So remind kids that they are taking care of themselves by washing their hands with soap and water for 20 seconds (or the length of two “Happy Birthday” songs) when they come in from outside, before they eat, and after blowing their nose, coughing, sneezing or using the bathroom. If kids ask about face masks, explain that the experts at the CDC say they aren’t necessary for most people. If kids see people wearing face masks, explain that those people are being extra cautious.

Creating a positive and productive home environment

The Neuropsychology & Education Services for Children & Adolescents (NESCA) recommends

  • Stick to routine. “We don’t like uncertainty, so staying rooted in routines and predictability is going to be helpful right now,” advises Dr. Domingues. This is particularly important if your child’s school or daycare shuts down. Make sure you are taking care of the basics just like you would during a spring break or summer vacation. Structured days with regular mealtimes and bedtimes are an essential part of keeping kids happy and healthy.

  • Keep talking. Tell kids that you will continue to keep them updated as you learn more. “Let them know that the lines of communication are going to be open,” says Dr. Domingues.‘Even though we don’t have the answers to everything right now, know that once we know more, mom or dad will let you know, too.’”

  • Create Routines – Our children thrive on routine. Consider keeping their regular bedtime and morning routines, sitting down for lunch at the same time as they do at school, and writing out a daily schedule so that they know the plan for the day. Keeping these small things consistent can help our kids to feel regulated, calm and make a potentially scary situation feel much more predictable.

  • Request Work from Classroom Teachers – Most teachers will be sending home classwork to keep children engaged while they are out of the classroom. Make sure to request passwords to online learning sites used at school (raz-kids.com, IXL.com, etc.), have access to books at an appropriate reading level, ask about sites that provide printable worksheets, and, if still in school, bring home worksheets that could be completed during time off.

  • Schedule Recess/Playtime – While home is often seen as a place to relax and have fun, scheduling recess or play/downtime may help kids to feel like there is more of a routine. An average day at elementary schools fluctuates between time spent on learning, time to process and reflect, and time to have some fun. With an extended stay at home, it may help to touch on all of these activities. Scheduled recess allows for a child to predict when they will have a break to move their bodies and decompress.

  • Use Screens Wisely – Many parents will no doubt be working from home and have significant to-do lists of their own. While watching movies and favorite TV shows is likely an inevitable – and in many ways beneficial – tool to pass the time, consider exploring some more educational screen-based options as part of your child’s day. Resources such as National Geographic Kids, PBS KIDS.org, ScienceDaily.com, educationworld.com, TIME For Kids, Smithsonian Tween Tribune, among others can help to provide more academic content, including Social Studies, Science, Current Events and more. Commonsensemedia.org is also a great resource for finding age appropriate options.

  • Move Your Body – While getting outside for some fresh air is the ideal way for our children to move their bodies, this may not be an option. Thankfully, there are some creative ways to make sure our kids get in time for gross motor movement. Consider options such as GoNoodle.com, Cosmickids.com and Gaia.com for whole body movement and yoga videos. If you are looking for options other than video-based activities, consider building a pillow fort, keeping balloons off of the ground, having a dance party or setting up a home-made obstacle course.

  • Bolster Life Skills Education – As Kelley Challen, NESCA’s Director of Transition, so aptly explained in her blog post, the process of teaching our kids to become functional adults starts at birth. Consider spending this time teaching some skills in the home: have kids help with the process of doing a whole load of laundry from start to finish, work through a recipe for dinner together or clean surfaces around the house while explaining how to safely use different cleaning products. All of these experiences help a child to understand their future role as independent adults.

  • Work on the Broader Executive Functioning (EF) Skills – EF includes skills such as problem solving, time management, goal setting and organization. Provide sorting activities, have a child create their own schedule, set a daily goal, practice telling time or play some problem-solving games such as Heads-up, Charades or Guess Who.