What Could Have Been
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kim digilio, sbfc member
What could have been. We use that phrase to round up to outcomes we’ve hoped for, or we add it to cushion ourselves from some uncomfortable truth. This week, we wonder what could have been if our community had not responded so assertively and positively to a threat to our childrens’ safety.
Human beings, and parents in particular, are pros at envisioning the worst case scenarios, whether it’s wondering why our kid hasn’t texted us back immediately or whether they could have been in real, life changing danger.
As we digest the proximity of this week’s events and how they affect our families, our schools, our community, and our children, it is important to acknowledge the complexity of emotions each of us will feel, in varying degrees and in no particular order: disbelief, relief, anger, sadness, guilt, frustration, fear, anxiety, terror, numbness, confusion.
Let your kids feel what they feel, just as you feel what you feel, it’s all natural. But, if we spend too long dwelling in all that could have been, helplessness creeps in and overwhelms our ability to find footing to move forward. Not only is it important to listen to and provide a safe space for your children to process these events, but it can also be empowering to discuss how, in our community, the swift and decisive action taken by our members eliminated what might or could have been.
Instead of feeling helpless and doing nothing, brave students heard, saw, and reported that a classmate had brought a weapon to school. When these students spoke up, school officials and resource officers took immediate action to secure the campus and remove the threats. Two days in a row.
Focus on the reminder that taking action, seeking help when we need it, and looking out for each other are things we can control and how we can take care of our community. Our community took action. As we discuss teen issues, gun violence, social media, and mental health, encourage one another to speak up and speak out. It is the only way to remove what could have been from the conversation.
We may not process this experience in the exact same ways, but we can join our efforts to reinforce each other with action and involvement.
Let’s round up and embrace what so clearly does exist in this community: courage, safety, connection, kindness, bravery, and heart. We must do all we can to remain open to one another, act together, and take care of all of us.
By, Kim Digilio
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