The Difference Between Peanut Allergies and Anxiety

I’ve been learning a lot about anxiety lately. Maybe this was sparked during Covid when everyone was feeling heightened levels of anxiety. Maybe because everyone was talking about anxiety. Maybe because I was witnessing anxiety firsthand in my home and in my bubble. Maybe because I was feeling more anxious than usual. And here’s what I’ve come to understand. Anxiety should not be handled the same way as a peanut allergy. When you have an allergy, it’s critical you stay away from the things that trigger the allergy. Those with known allergies go to great lengths to avoid the things they’re allergic to to remain safe and healthy.

We tend to treat anxiety the same way, working really, really, hard at avoiding the things that trigger the anxiety. However, what I’ve learned is that anxiety is best managed by acknowledging the anxiety and moving forward into uncomfortable situations instead of avoiding them.

Anxiety is about the desire to control things and outcomes and have certainty. Anxiety is triggered or heightened when you don’t know the outcome and can’t control the situation or outcome. A person experiencing anxiety will spend a lot of time and effort trying to figure out or anticipate an outcome, force an outcome, and possibly even attempt to control other people or situational components to ensure the outcome they desire. Anxious people tend to be rigid in their methods, creating and desiring a lot of structure in their lives. This helps provide certainty. This keeps anxiety at bay.

And because we don’t want to feel anxious, and we don’t want those we love to feel anxious we tend to approach anxiety like a peanut allergy. We tend to clear the path, remove situations, unknowns, and uncertainty whenever possible so the anxiety isn’t triggered.

This avoidance approach only allows anxiety to grow and spread. Anxiety plays whack-a-mole. Once one situation is resolved, it just finds another to fret about. As we all know, especially after experiencing Covid, most things aren’t certain. Life will always throw you a curve ball. And the most effective way to reduce or combat anxiety is to practice getting to the other side of uncomfortable or uncertain situations. Learning coping mechanisms and practicing tools that help you handle the feel of uncertainty will, over time and with repeated exposure, reduce anxiety in similar situations. Practicing sitting in the discomfort and navigating your way through the sticky situation builds resilience.

I don’t know where this quote originated, but I heard it a lot during Covid, and I love it.  “You can only control your attitude and your actions.” You can’t control outcomes, other people’s actions or reactions, natural disasters, a difficult teacher, a company downsizing etc. You can control how you frame it – your attitude. And you can control your own, individual actions. And practicing these can help reduce anxiety. 

By. Jill Millstein