The Journey Through Loss, Grief, and Recovery: My Story
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When you think of teenagers, you don’t tend to think of them as grieving or suffering from mental illness. The teen years are usually filled with more light conflicts, like teen drama. Did you know that in reality 60% of teenagers have experienced depression? Many teens struggle with mental health issues that range from anxiety, eating disorders and depression. I am included in that statistic. One of the leading causes of depression is grief and that is something I have experienced twice in my life.
When I first experienced loss at the age of 7, no one knew that I was depressed. Everyone described me as a “social butterfly” when I was a little girl. I was animated, playful and innocent. I never worried about death or grief. I was only concerned about whether I could be a good enough girl for Santa that year. Grief is like that, it can either be the expected kind of grief, that you are prepared for, or the unexpected kind, that catches you off guard. I experienced the expected grief first. I visited my little brother every week in the hospital. There isn't much a 7 year old can understand in the complex world of medicine and health. I knew that my brother was not happy. I used to think as a child, if I stayed happy, I could give my happiness to my family. When my brother eventually passed away from stage 3 kidney cancer, I was not even sure what to feel. I wasn’t sure what the illness was, only that it had taken my brother away and had made everyone around me sad. It is said that there are five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I didn’t go through any of these stages while I was growing up. After the loss, I started to perform less exceptionally in school, as well as becoming much quieter. My parents assumed it was the fact that I was now in middle school and becoming a moody teenager, but they soon realized that I had never processed my grief and that I needed help. They sent me to a grief camp and therapy and it comforted me to know that I was not alone in my situation.
Approximately one year ago, during my sophomore year, the unexpected grief happened. I lost my Dad. After the loss of my Dad, I was devastated. I am sure I went through the stages of grief at least 5 times. I was irritable, rude to those around me and I developed an eating disorder. My heart goes out to all of those who have experienced loss like me. When this happens, you never really get over it. Sure, you ‘get over it’ in the sense that you move on with your life, but those people that have passed will always stay with you. At least, my brother and my dad have stayed with me through my journey in improving myself.
What got me through my depression was my Mom. She is a very strong person, the strongest I know. She has been by my side throughout my entire life. I will always be grateful for how she helped me during a time when I was at my lowest. If anyone reading this takes their siblings or parents for granted, you should stop and picture your life without them. You never realize what you have until it’s gone. I took my family for granted and I regret it. Having regrets after the loss of a loved one is natural.
My Dad would want me to move forward and take better care of myself. My Dad would want me to make an effort to turn my life around. Now I know how unexpected life can be. It is scary not knowing if some day will be your last. But that is what pushes us all into living life the way that makes us happy and fulfilled. After the two losses in my life, I did everything to better myself. I continued to attend grief camp and therapy and even grief counseling. I picked up new hobbies, and some took forever to learn (ahem… crochet). And in all honesty, I am still not over the grief, but my effort in at least trying to accept it has made my life much better than before. It is this effort that can change the lives of anyone suffering through grief. Anyone who believes life is difficult and feels stuck can benefit from getting help and doing what I did. I believe that my efforts in living a more fulfilling life, not just for me, but also for my dad and brother, have paid off. There are many coping mechanisms and things people do to heal; writing in a journal, meditating or speaking to a professional. Each coping mechanism has value, there is not one that is better than another. Rather, it is the effort that you put in while working on each form of coping that will benefit you most in the end. I hope that speaking about my life’s story will help others to do the same. Life is never worth giving up, especially when it is able to be lived for others that have lost it too early.