COVID Goal: Good Enough Is Enough
/Like many parents in the South Bay, I’ve been reflecting on what I have learned of value for myself and my family during COVID. And I always come back to this – good enough is good enough. That’s it. Lower the bar. Be kinder to myself. My kids will be fine. My kids are fine. I am fine. Good enough is enough.
We live in a highly competitive culture where the bar is held so remarkably high. Whether it’s academics, athletics, appearance, fill in the blank, the expectation is to be extraordinary. But why? For what? To what end? As a dear friend of mine always says “Where are we going and why?”
Many years ago, I was gifted the book “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee” by Wendy Mogul, PhD. She writes about “parenting in a world where entitlement and competition abound and points the way to raising self–reliant, exuberant and compassionate children.” In the book Dr. Mogul presents this concept of good enough. And that first time I read it, I felt a wave of disbelief and relief wash over me. You mean I could actually serve a frozen meal for dinner? My kid could stick with AYSO and not join a club team? My daughter could drop out of the accelerated math program. And that’s perfectly acceptable? Good enough!
A few months after reading her book, I had the good fortune of attending one of Dr. Mogul’s speaking engagements. Dr. Mogul is a seasoned public speaker, and she is really funny. In her speech she said to us all, as I remember it, “I wish for your son or daughter the horrible 4th grade teacher, a 7th grade best friend who is a bad influence, and a B on a high school report card.” At the time it was shocking to hear. Who would wish those horrible things on my children?
Ahhhh, but now I understand. Children and adults too, only learn grit and resilience and strong coping techniques if they experience awkward, challenging and less than ideal situations. None of us learn by traveling a smooth road. And life, especially right now in the midst of COVID, is not a smooth road. So, lower the bar. For yourself. For your children. Good enough is enough. In this extremely challenging time, we are modeling for our children how to get through a tough season. Maybe that means serving dinner out of your freezer. Maybe it’s a good cry and then standing back up. I’m good enough. My kids are good enough. We will get through this and be stronger for the coping techniques we’ve embraced and the bar we’ve lowered to get us through.
We are good enough.
