Mindsight is 2020: A Southbay Mom’s Reflection (Part III of III)
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As I type, I am snuggled up, warmed by the glow of our Christmas tree, my laptop, and abounding peace and quiet. No, I am not living in some alternate universe, or on a fancy self-care retreat in Montana. It is December in the year 2020 and I wake up at 5am to get a little bit of ‘me time’. And by me time, I mean a couple hours of uninterrupted work before all the creatures are stirring, need to be fed, have some type of situation, and are eventually logged on to Zoom school. Who is with me? I bet if I called out into the pre-dawn darkness, a choir of exhausted parents would echo back.
You guys, it has taken me months to come to this third installment because knowing what to say anymore is difficult. Also, I am spent. A new job, tricky pandemic parenting, a divisive election cycle, it all got me. And yet, I have work, and I am not alone. And I am still here. And I am still struggling. And I am worried. You see? Who is with me…
So, let’s try exploring something I touched on in blog I of III: staying curious about what this pandemic is doing for us. I want to preface this by saying, I am not addressing the actual disease of COVID-19 or its horrific effects. No one deserves a pandemic, nor the individual and collective trauma or grief each one of us and our children are experiencing. For any loss you have endured this year, I am truly sorry. With that, here are my new top three takeaways:
1) 2020 has distilled my relationship to just about everything
When you separate the activity of life from the being of life, you can gain a raw and clear understanding of whatever it is you are looking at. For me, (I think) I understand my household more closely. Our two children are very different people, and now who they are, what their unique human needs are, and how they express them, literally permeates the air. The same holds true for relationships with friends, my relationship to myself, and to our world as a whole. This new-found clarity makes way for higher levels of respect, differentiation, and kinder choices.
2) 2020: the year that needed to happen?
Not much about this year has felt fair; however, it is my belief that it has jump-started the surmounting work of bringing us into a healthier balance. Entrenched inequities have been revealed in ways maybe only possible in the given circumstances of this global pandemic. Historic activism and bold commitment across platforms near and wide might not have been possible without the shared magnifying lens of 2020. Unrelenting hurricanes, devastating wildfires, and even the pandemic itself is our planet speaking up. Greta Thunberg shouldn't save the world by herself. And the deep divisions? Perhaps they are vital to this perfect storm. Although arduous, perhaps it is the flint necessary to start the process of mourning, reconciliation, and change.
3) COVID kids: the next great generation
We are all curious and rightfully concerned about what effect this time will have on our children. In the long run, I imagine a very bright future. Many of our hot button topics are being exercised. Take grit, resilience, and growth-mindset: being thrown headlong into a global pandemic, forcing fast adaption to highly destabilizing scenarios is a bit on the nose. Although messy and difficult in the moment, I believe our youngest members of society are being equipped with a unique type of resiliency and flexibility. Same with emotional intelligence. Our kids are being exposed to and are responding to some advanced human conditions. Navigating their own emotions, learning how their actions affect others, and the importance of compassion. Just think of the impact that will have as this generation grows up. How about creativity and problem-solving? This pandemic has “virtually” blown the walls off thinking outside the box. I think this will imprint upon their relationship to the world as they move through it.
I’m not really sure about any of this, but I have spent a lot of time thinking about it and it feels good sharing it with you. This excellent (and helpful) SBFC video from Anna Pirkl, MFT, ATR, LAADAC speaks to much of this, and of course the Coronavirus Support page. One parting thought - although it might not always feel like it, I know we are all becoming better parents because of this pandemic too. I wish you a very happy and healthy holiday season, a little bit of ‘you time’, and a whole bunch of hope for all that the New Year may bring.
