Over the past three months, South Bay parents, teens and administrators representing our 115 SBFC Partner Schools have collectively shared with us one key social-emotional wellness trending youth issue: many students are struggling with their social skills and peer relationships. The conventional wisdom seems to be, both here in the South Bay and nationally, that virtual learning may have put students’ normal social development on pause. As one administrator put it, “Some students have forgotten how to interact, from understanding social cues to practicing kindness to one another. Our 5th graders are acting like 4th graders.” And others have shared that social anxiety and isolation have increased.

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No? Yeah, me neither. But that’s what the college admissions process feels like to me.

My oldest is currently going through this process, so it’s my first rodeo. In preparation, I’ve attended school sponsored presentations for years, college-prep company presentations, read articles, read books, followed experts on Facebook – you name it, I’ve done it. And you know what? Now that we’re really in it, here’s what I didn’t know. I didn’t know how it would feel.

When you become a parent, you are responsible for keeping your child alive...literally. From day one, babies start teaching us how to meet their every need and ensure their happiness. And I think for most parents we continue on that path well past when it best serves them and us.

As we prepare for another BTS, here’s what I’d tell my younger parent self. Above all else, I wish I could go back and yell “don’t do it!”, in the hopes of avoiding one of the most embarrassing moments of my parenting career, which I will now share with you.

Re-entry is not going to be perfect: rules will seem arbitrary and change often, it won’t all make sense or be convenient, but it’s a start…Talk with your children about what to expect. Encourage them to have an open mind.

Talking about their diagnosis gives your child a valuable chance to ask questions. It may also be relieving to them when they learn to normalize and accept the special ways they experience life. It also helps your child see why treatment is helpful, so they are more likely to buy-into & take an active part in their own treatment and advocating for their own goals.

As I type, I am snuggled up, warmed by the glow of our Christmas tree, my laptop, and abounding peace and quiet. No, I am not living in some alternate universe, or on a fancy self-care retreat in Montana. It is December in the year 2020 and I wake up at 5am to get a little bit of ‘me time’. And by me time, I mean a couple hours of uninterrupted work before all the creatures are stirring, need to be fed, have some type of situation, and are eventually logged on to Zoom school. Who is with me? I bet if I called out into the pre-dawn darkness, a choir of exhausted parents would echo back.

“…I’m also grateful for more family movie time in 2020. One of my favorites was Jo Jo Rabbit. Before the credits roll, there’s an excerpt from a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke:“Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”

Vulnerability. Something I’ve run from far too long. At today’s speech in front of 1,000 students in 7th and 8th grade, I went to the scariest emotional place I own. While my main topic was exposing the consequences of vaping, I encouraged myself to explain the choice my brother made which ultimately took his life. This is the most important part of my journey where life stopped, and continues to affect me everyday. Allowing myself to open this deep emotion in front of strangers still breaks me every time.

As I scroll through photos now, it’s almost a year later. Like many collegians, Linda returned home from her Spring Semester and finished online due to the COVID19 virus. Although leaving her new friends and independence behind was a loss, the restrictions placed on us as a family to stay home gave us an opportunity to reflect about what we wish we had known.

In a blink, beaches have re-opened, schools are out, and quarantine fatigue is real. Wondering if I was alone in feeling a bit overwhelmed, I did what any reasonable person would do; I polled my trusted parenting friends. A diverse group that I believe represents a fair cross-section of the South Bay. Single parents, working parents, full-time parents, and some in-betweeners. Conservative to liberal, both in lifestyle and views. Here are some key take-aways:

It’s May, and as the experts predicted, the natives are getting restless. Our family was doing well until about week 7. I need to stop and say that our family IS doing really well. We have our health, our jobs, stability at home, this remarkable South Bay community of thoughtful leaders, generous neighbors, and good friends, all looking out for the greater good. My gratitude for this is profound.

We face a unique set of challenges during the coronavirus pandemic, in our home lives, our work lives, and our social lives, all of which seem to have suddenly melded together. We are all in this imposed isolation, fearing for our health, our loved ones, and the future.

Our emotions are swirling right now—sometimes upbeat and enjoying the “new normal” and at other times, a sadness just rolls in and stays awhile.  We are juggling work from home, homeschooling our children, adjusting to less social interaction and outdoor play, and trying to create some stability in an unpredictable world.  This is if we are fortunate and not ill with COVID-19.  

Parents, caregivers and educators at our 90 Partner Schools are doing all they can to provide sturdy, nurturing foundations that their students and children can lean on for support during this difficult time. As parents, we know that our children look to us to understand the world, and that they will be more or less anxious based on how we communicate with them. That can feel like a really tall order right now when were are struggling with our own uncertainties and anxieties about the pandemic. And, it’s absolutely normal and ok to be feeling that way.

Many of our children have experimented with vapes of THC or nicotine. It is just the world we live in. And a parent’s positive influence can make a big difference in the effort to prevent or curtail use.

Throughout the school year, the series will offer six free events, each focusing on a critical component of youth wellness.